Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
