I molested 6 butterflies tonight
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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