We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize