i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
