I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
