My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize