I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
