I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
