I heard we made out
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize