Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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