New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
