i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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