Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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