scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
