Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
