I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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