i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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