My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
