Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
bring money and cleavage
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
