I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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