eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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