So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
