That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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