last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
