whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize