I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's blow job season.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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