i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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