I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
