He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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