i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
