There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
