watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
