remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
