Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I woke up under a house in Key West
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