I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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