Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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