so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
