Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
