apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize