my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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