Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
