My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize