i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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