I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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