well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
