I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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