so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
