they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
