New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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