oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
