maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
