The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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