well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
