David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize