I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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