Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
