I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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