He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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