Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
