i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
