mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize