Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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