OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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