I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
