It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
