my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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