I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize