is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
