i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
