ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
