He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
