Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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