Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
